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07 February 2010 @ 07:29 pm
awful  
I feel like there's something in my chest, and I don't know if it's a weight or a hole but I feel like clawing at it until I figure it out and it goes away.

So, today I cried until I made myself sick. Felt sick all afternoon as a result. Haven't got half of my homework done. Kept crying. Finally got out of the house. Got two more insect bites and came home. Stifled some more crying. Got an ice cream that I didn't eat because it was disgusting and chewy like a half melted marshmallow, got home and inadvertently pissed off my mother by being annoyed that some ice cream got dropped. Cried some more.

We're studying "identity and belonging" in English this year, which is good and bad, because I feel so desperately like I don't belong. Sometimes I feel that I don't have anyone in the world and I know I've lost so much contact with my "friends" because I live so far away from fucking everything. I just want to disappear or be someone else. I hate it all so much. Sometimes, I don't want to have to be alone. I feel so sick with it all.
 
 
Current Mood: sadsad